One Day Jesus Said…

Luke 8:22-25

“Let’s go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters, the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.  In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”

Have you found yourself drowning in the trials of life, and crying out for God to rescue you?

I know when I’ve gone through trials of any kind I become anxious for God’s intervention. I long for my day of reprieve!

But recently I’ve been pondering the question, “Can we become all we were created to be without experiencing the storms of life?”

So as I reflect I begin to cringe over what might have become of me had I not gone through uncomfortable seasons where loss and sorrow came crashing in.  What if I traveled this journey to never experience God’s hand of power over my life that refined me in the fire!  Or, to see God work his power in the healing of broken hearts, broken dreams, and failed health. These are seasons we try hard to escape but they’re also the seasons which bring us closer to God. It’s when these storms have settled down we find ourselves clothed in His image reflecting the glory of his love and power over our lives! What a beautiful plan for the pain that is inevitable in life.

And I can’t help but wonder if I would hurt for a broken world or just be happy I am not that broken had I not walked through some seasons that produced storms?

And what about the faith needed to overcome the evil schemes of the enemy God cautions about in his Word?  Would my compass reflect a woman of faith?

As much as I/we want our lives to be stress free we all know that is not “real” life.

Like the disciples that cried out and saw the power of God respond it’s my prayer we will continue our journey in confidence knowing we serve a powerful God.  Our God who desires to bring us to complete knowledge and understanding of His love for us through an unshakable faith.

May all your seasons leave you amazed by his love for you and yours!

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Only a Journal Away!

A story is only a journal away.

Well it’s time! I’ve been praying and contemplating on how to get going with the completion of my writing project. You see there have been days it’s been painful and I’ve had to stop. But through it all God has brought healing and encouragement. Today I’m looking at the progress, growth and answered prayers with a thankful heart for the many trials God has brought me through.  I am especially grateful for the tenderness he has uncovered through His mighty Spirit which He has placed so carefully within the walls of my heart.

These are just a few of my journals which boldly remind me of all God has done,  is doing and what is yet to come! I pray the pages can form a story that empowers, encourages and reveals more of God’s love and faithfulness for those who belong to him.  Let us never give up hope because with God all things are possible! Mark 10:27

The best is yet to come…

 

Hope

In the year 2006 most of my weekends were spent visiting my youngest son at a State Penitentiary. This went on for too many years and it began to take its toll on me and my family. There were days it felt like the pain, fear, and disappointment would never end. There were other days I’d find myself distracted with thoughts of how it would end. Unfortunately, both left me with anxiety.

During these troublesome and heart wrenching years I worked hard to stay focused on life, my job, and keeping what was left of my family on track. Had it not been for my faith in God I truly don’t know where I would be today. When the reality of what our family faced raised its ugly head, the fear inside gripped every muscle in my being and captivated every thought. Panic attacks would enter in at the most inopportune times and no matter where I was, I would make a mad dash for the nearest restroom. I would hide in a stall praying, while trying to calm myself and my breathing, hoping no one would walk in on me. God was watching out for me because no one ever did. After what felt like long periods of time, I would straighten my clothes, push the hair back from my sweaty face and walk over to the sink. I would wash my face and look at myself in the mirror in disbelief. I wondered if I would be able to handle all that was going on around me.

There were days my faith was weak and I could not pray. I found myself going through the motions and just waiting for the day to end. It wasn’t like I looked forward to tomorrow. I just needed to get through the day. That became my prayer, “Lord, please just get me through the day, Amen.”

In the beginning there were many nights I’d fall asleep next to my Bible instead of reading it. I found it painful to read but also knew it was the one thing no one could take from me. It was the one thing that would never change. It felt like an old friend I knew would be there when I was ready to embrace it again. It would be waiting for me to open back up, and I would once again soak in the truth of God’s love for me and my family. Please don’t misunderstand, in no way did I blame God for anything my family and I were experiencing. Sometimes in life we suffer at the hands of others, and other times we suffer from our own bad choices.

The artwork on the wall in my home office reminds me of that season of life. The framed drawings bring back memories of a time I felt paralyzed in different areas of life. They remind me of how I had to come to the end of myself, to find myself.  It was there I could fully understand God’s unconditional love.

As I admire this artwork drawn by prisoners, I am reminded of how everyone has a story. Some stories end well, others don’t. What I find important is the men behind these drawings. The talent and passion that came with the hope that maybe someone would recognize them for much more than their troubles and dark places that brought them to this place of confinement.

Had they foreseen the wasted years in the desert land of a living hell, would they have made better choices? I wonder if those nearby would have heard their cry for help and came to their aid? Were those they counted on most, the ones who turned their back? Is the rejection of others what pushed them to go the wrong way?

There was a day I believed in the judicial system from years of being married to a police officer. Yet In this hard season I found myself awakened to the truth of what the other side of the law looks like. I saw firsthand how the system doesn’t work. I learned there is no “real” rehabilitation in prison. I saw for myself how it has always been a housing unit for the rebellious, unloved, abused, unpopular kids and those who give themselves over to plain evil.

It was the system I despised the most, that God used to soften my heart. The heart that had become hardened through years of being married to a police officer was learning to love others in a new way. It was the experience of heartache and loss in my own family that opened my eyes and expanded the truth of God’s love for this world. It broke my heart in new areas I never knew existed because I was too good, too prideful and busy to care about anything that would never touch me or anyone I loved. Or so I believed.

Today as I look up from my desk and see the drawings on my wall staring back at me, I see hope. The hope God planted deep inside of me that helped me not give up. The inspiration hope brings through the support of others during challenging times. A hope that left me feeling loved and cared for when I felt unlovable and like a failure as a Mom. The hope that came through provisions that looked impossible but God said, “Nothing is impossible with me!” These are just a few of the different ways God showed up and said, “I am with you to the end and I will never forsake you.”

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost hope or someone you care for has lost hope then I want to leave you encouraged. The truth will set you free and God’s promise to never leave you will pull you through to the other side, if you let him:

*For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:37

*I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

* Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I

will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 KJV

*Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, [and] there is nothing too hard for thee. Jeremiah 32:17 KJV

*What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 ESV

*No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

Time Alone with God

Do you have a place where you go to get away from the pressure, stress, and chaos of life? A special place where you can sit quietly without interruption, allowing yourself to unwind and be alone with God?  Can you sense an emotional siren pulsating through your body, alerting you to your need for a time out?

If this is you, don’t ignore the warning signs and your need to be alone with God as it can be hazardous to your health!  Our spiritual being was created for communion with our Creator. The hunger of our soul is to be quenched by God who supplies every need. He provides our strength and hope as we push through this life.

It’s hard to admit that there were fourteen years, (yes fourteen!)  where I spent too much time attempting to overcome all life had thrown at me in my own strength. It may sound pathetic and a little victimized, but I found myself wrestling to get through loss, pain, disappointment, and fear so I could finally say, “I made it, we made it!”  I desperately wanted to be done with all of the stress I had put myself under to try and save my family. I wanted everyone fixed so we could all start living life how I had always envisioned it. I had convinced myself it was my fierce determination and hope for a better tomorrow that got me through each day. However, that was not it at all!  My hope for better tomorrows and prayers for all that concerned me were right on, but my inability to release control and live life according to God’s way had become infectious to mind, body and spirit. My need to “fix” everybody and everything was hindering me from doing life God’s way, and it was His grace that brought me through and into each new day.

Somehow I believed my dreams would be the same dreams my family shared. Over the years the aspirations and expectations I envisioned for us had morphed into the goal behind every need to repair, save, cover up, and control.  Take that mentality and mix it with additional chaos, stress, and people behaving badly and I found myself in not such a good place.

(Divorce, troubled teen, son leaving for college, loss of a loved one to cancer, moving to a new home, and starting a new job)  All high on the stress bar! 

It was in my reflection time God was able to show me how I had allowed the behaviors of others to rob me from trusting Him in all things and for all things. I had surrendered to pressure and not God.

As pressure builds we can find ourselves breaking down, and if we don’t allow ourselves time to get away to reflect and pray we may find ourselves reacting instead of responding in wisdom, peace, gentleness and a spirit of truth and love. I came to realize it was under this pressure I was losing my way.

Many times throughout the New Testament you will find Jesus leaving everyone and everything to get away alone to pray. He has left us with the perfect example of what to do when life becomes overwhelming and we need a break!  Even if we’re praying throughout our day there are times when we will need to remove ourselves from all people and things so we can focus and listen to the still small voice inside warning, encouraging and instilling wisdom for the moment and days ahead.  It is imperative to take ourselves to a place where we can connect with God and listen without interruption.

Because God is a faithful and loving God, He graciously brought me to the place where I could see the light and love of His ways. He brought me to the end of myself where I was surrendered enough to move deeper into his purposes and plans for my life. His plan was and is to save us all but we need to make the choice to let Him. In my choice to surrender the family I held so dear to my heart God gently showed me how to leave all that concerns me, all that I love and cherish at His feet for His purposes. After all, God has not made me the savior of my family.  He already provided a Savior for us long ago!

We will find when taking time to be alone with God, we find freedom. The troubles invading our hearts, homes, families, careers, friendships, and every important part of our life become smaller and less frightening, and God becomes bigger.  His power and grace will take over as we relinquish control and surrender.

Today if you find yourself struggling I pray the Scripture below will help comfort you as you make your way to the other side:

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

“But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.” Luke 5:16

“In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there.”  Mark 1:35

“After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone.”  Matthew 14:23

“Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” Hebrews 4:7b

It Has Been Five Weeks Since My Last…

It has been 5 weeks since my last post and I am not happy about it. Every time I’ve sat down to write I’ve become overwhelmed with what I want to share and get up and walk away leaving the page blank. I’ll type a little, hit delete. Type some more, hit delete. After weeks of this it’s time to rethink the blog so I change my theme. But that is not quite all I need to think about…and then I realize more than ever I need to begin with the end. By the end I mean where I find myself today on Wednesday, August 5, 2015.

The past few weeks have felt a little like a thief casing the outside of my house. It’s dark inside the house and unsettling but he knows there is something good in there and he needs to get to it without disrupting too much around him. And there you have it I’ve been casing the outside of my memory bank acknowledging the goodness of God and how He really does bring good out of the difficulties we encounter. All the while struggling to muster up courage and collect my thoughts to share all that is inside me while working hard to not disrupt too much! You see I find myself in a “happy” place and I want to bask in it for a while because I believe God brought me to this place of rest and beauty to prepare me for the things I will share with others. Things I would have done differently or have learned along the way from going through a divorce, struggling teenagers, and learning how to embrace my singleness after a 21-year marriage.

So beginning with where I am now seems to be perfect after I’ve finally arrived at this point in life where I refuse to give the enemy a foothold to trample around on my territory! Oh, hell no because I’ve become stronger from the adversity I’ve encountered along the way. I hope to share my experiences (good and bad) to bring hope to others who may be facing similar obstacles in their journey. I want to encourage and reassure my readers they’re not alone in this big world. Someone cares about you and what you’re going through! I’ve learned along the way that in every storm there is a glimpse of light and then a rainbow to follow which will brighten up those dark days of the past and work to propel you into the future.

Rick Warren say’s it like this, “Why have to learn from your mistakes when you can learn from the mistakes of others and save yourself the heartache.”

But most importantly, I want the love and grace of God to light up these pages shooting rays of sunshine your way that leave you with hope for today and encouraged to face tomorrow! So join me as I share some good memories and not so good memories, laughter, disappointments and tears as we move into our futures together…one day at a time with the Creator of all good things, God.

Here are three encouraging words to help pull you out and over to the other side:

Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones. Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. – Unknown

A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker. A mistake is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end. – Anonymous

For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

It’s Just A Bad Day, Not A Bad Life

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

As I walk in the newness of this next chapter of life I am discovering more about me and how important change can be to our growth. Many times as we grow into the plans and purposes of God we will find there are things we must let go of in order to move forward. Some times what it looks like on the outside is not what is going on in the inside.

As a parent my heart’s desire was to get my children through life with as little heartache, loss and rejection so they would experience a life of success and love. That desire and prayer of mine never changed.

In my efforts to do everything right it did not always turn out right. As parents we do our best with what we’ve learned from watching others, books we’ve read and from our parents. But the most important part of being a mother is having a mother’s heart which I believe God places within us. It is in that heart of love we learn more about God, our children and ourselves.

There is a book by Dr. Dobson, “Parenting Isn’t for Cowards” which is a great book on parenting but it was the title that first grabbed me because the truth is in our journey of parenthood there is no guarantee of a happy ending. Challenges in parenting can surface at any age but one thing for sure is once a parent, always a parent. Parenting always will look different through the stages of life our kids grow into, and we must be ready to go the distance in hopes of releasing them into the future God prepared for them, with the ability to be self-supporting and contributors to a better society.

Today there is still pain in my heart as I reflect on days past. The days that turned into months, and months into years before my younger son came home. His years away were spent in more of a daze as his brother and I worked hard to support and encourage him. The vision of how this would all come to an end was much different than where I find this relationship today. During these turbulent years as dysfunctional as it was it was difficult to move forward and to find complete happiness knowing what he was going through.

Before my son went away he was showing signs of distress. In my efforts to help him life became more difficult because he only wanted help from his father. Now this would have been fine had his dad been emotionally available to help him. During a very critical time for my son his father began building a new life and was too busy for him. Because of the ramifications and circumstances surrounding my divorce this added to my concern for my son. My fear for his safety and well-being influenced my desire to fight harder for him. Unfortunately, my son did not want my help nor did he have any desire to have me parent him in any way. This fight for him was perceived as an intent for me to control more of his life and not as an act of a mother’s love and concern for her child.

As most parents experience with teenagers they go through a rebellious stage. His rebellion began before the divorce and worsened after. It was during his first years of high school when he began losing interest in school work and his responsibilities. His ability to focus on things other than sports and girls became less and less important to him. As mother’s we know many times our effort to parent and help our children in a time when things are spiraling out of control can leave us frantic. This is how I felt during that time, frantic as I watched my son become more distant and rebellious. It wasn’t long before my efforts began to look like a controlling mother gone mad. The more I tried to get my son under control and keep him accountable the more he despised me. In his rebellion he began cutting school and getting into trouble with the law.

Fast forward and now we’re in a courtroom where I find myself fighting to keep my son’s father accountable for him by seeing that he finish school and stay out of trouble. My fight in this battle was meant for good, not evil. It was done in love for my son in hopes of seeing him have a productive and healthy future.

My son like many kids of divorced parents wanted to live with his dad. The courts allowed this due to his age and the testimony of my son which stated I was trying to control him and his life by calling the school to see if he attended, did his homework, and by wanting to know if he was safe and staying out of trouble on the weekends. I thought I was doing what any caring loving mother would do who desires only the best for their child. Unfortunately, in our situation my son did not like me very much and considered me a control freak trying to ruin his life. In the midst of having all my parenting rights removed because of his age, and he and his father assuring the court they had everything under control I walked out of court that day an unwanted mother.   For me my marriage was over, but not my responsibility and love for my son.

As the days progressed I began to hear from friends how he was on the road to destruction. The more I tried to help the more twisted the lies of his father became toward me and my intentions towards my son. My hands and heart were tied.

Until Six-months later and 3 days after his 18 birthday he was arrested.

It was early morning as I sat down at my desk and began playing my messages when I was greeted with the voice of my son. His call was informing me he was in County Jail and needed me. As I gasped for air I dialed his dad’s number because believe it or not I had no idea where county jail was located. Yes, I had been married to a police officer and knew where the Police Dept. was but I don’t ever remember having been to County Jail.

Needless to say, I was given the address and hung up on.

Once again, things were about to change and I was going to embark on an even deeper darker road taking me to places I never wanted to go. Surrounding me with people I never thought to have a thought about. And bringing me closer to a God I thought I knew everything I needed to know about in my life time.