What has taken up residence in your heart?
So many things fill our heart leaving parts of us unrecognizable as we navigate life. Scripture tells us in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Basically, our heart drives us whether it be good, bad or indifferent.
At times there can be a myriad of emotion from love to hate and everything in between. All of which impact who we are and how we love.
As I’ve spent time reflecting on my early childhood I discovered one of my heart matters to be about “trust”. At the age of 4 years old I was driving with my mom and soon to be new dad to sign adoption papers. I was in the backseat of the car when my mom turned around to tell me something very important. At 4 years old I knew it was important because we were all dressed up and I felt anxious. Not sure if I was picking up on my mom’s anxiousness or if my heart knew something was about to change.
It was through my blue eyes I saw my mom’s brown eyes and big brown hair (Bee hive dew) as she leaned over the seat and said, “Now we’re going to go talk to a nice man and he is going to ask if you want him to be your daddy, as she looked across the seat toward the man I would soon know as my daddy. Now remember to say yes when he asks if you want him to be your daddy, and when we’re done we will go get an ice cream.” Point being I was a little girl who loved ice cream and so I eagerly agreed.
We drove the rest of the way in what felt like silence.
Growing up I knew very little about my biological father outside of a few things I had heard from others. All of which were not good. This made me come up with a few reasons of my own for him not being around. These too were not good.
It’s with a grateful heart I can say, the decision my mom made to marry her new man and make him my dad was a good one. He has always been a man of integrity, and takes his commitments seriously. What I am most thankful for is he never left and he always made us feel loved.
Unfortunately, the rejection experienced during this time left scars that would eventually cause trouble for me in future relationships with men. Interestingly enough it was after my 21 year marriage came to an end when I began to experience these effects of betrayal. During my time of loss and sorrow I would lay awake at night thinking about what could have been or should have been. It was after a short time of this I realized I needed to move on and let go of what should or could have been. After all, the last thing I wanted was a hardened heart. Before long one of my daily prayers was for God to help me so I would not become an angry bitter woman afraid to love. It was in this determination I had the strength to move forward. I began to trust God in a new way. There were times it wasn’t easy navigating the broken pieces of my heart but I was fearful of what could become of me. I pictured myself driving down the street with a scowl on my face, laying on the horn for no apparent reason outside of the fact that I was just plain angry at life. And I reminded myself of how this would not be pretty!
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I never had pity parties! As ugly as they are I’ve thrown a few that have left me hung over from life. But thank the good Lord for the remedy of friends! Because in the midst of my heart matters I’ve had the love of family and good friends help rescue me. It has been their support and unconditional love that helped pry open my eyes to the many promises of God. How we need God, family and friends! I can see clearly how God used them to help resuscitate and push me through to the other side. I pray you let him do it for you too!
May these Scriptures bring encouragement and healing to your heart matters as you learn to trust God for more.
Q: Is there a heart matter you need let go so you can push through to the other side?
1 Corinthians 16:13 “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong”
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Psalm 138:3 “In the day I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”
Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”