It’s Just A Taco

 

It’s just a taco I thought after the guy I was dating turned his head and blurted out, “Must you always be so accommodating!”  He really wasn’t asking a question.  It was more out of frustration he spoke those words.

Guess what, its months later and I’m still thinking about his comment and if asked today, my response would still be the same.  “It’s just a taco.”

You see, I’ve learned over the years to pick and choose my battles, and how to use my words.  Although I don’t always use them correctly or in the right tone I am aware more than ever how important our words are and how damaging they can be when they are not spoken with love and respect.

That evening we decided to share an appetizer at Tommy Bahama’s and we agreed upon Ahi tacos!  When they arrived he discovered they were not what he thought they were and did not want them.  I suggested we send them back and get something we both liked and that is when he responded with “Must you always be so accommodating!”  I gently told him yes, it’s just a taco.  He then proceeded to tell me how all day long he gets his way. (It’s because he is a business owner and not because he was dating me)

Clearly by now my head was filling with all kinds of things I wanted to blurt out but I did not because life is short and why would we want to not make others happy!

Although we’re no longer dating the question still echoes through my mind. You see, it’s my desire to have a mutual loving relationship and not one that is demanding of its own way. I’ve noticed the older we become the more set in our ways we become and less flexible. I don’t want to be one of those women that demands her own way!  However, it’s important to not lose oneself in our relationships.  We need to stay true to who we are and how God made us. I can say one thing for sure and that is when it comes to decision making I don’t have a problem.  More times than not I trust my judgement and when there are things I believe strongly in I will not be so accommodating.

I share this experience because it’s something I don’t want to change about myself, and one I hope the next guy will appreciate about me.  As I reflect on past relationships I want to take note of things I’ve sacrificed and may have lost as much as what I’ve learned.  Being accommodating, flexible, and giving is part of who I am and I don’t want to lose those qualities because it’s taken years of growth and hard knocks to learn how to be less selfish and stubborn.

I’ve learned relationships are about give and take.  You can’t go wrong when you can be self-sacrificing. Life and tacos can’t always be about us!  We’re no longer 2 years old and in need of what we consider “MINE” or “I WANT”.  It’s time to learn how to share and make ourselves more accommodating to those around us for the sake of love and learning.  Not to mention, peace.

My recent trip to Sedona affirmed my desire for more of God and how he created me. By having time to be by myself I discovered how freeing it is to just be “me”.  No agenda. No trying to impress someone. I could just be me!

When I returned I was more convinced than ever to continue on the path of being the best I can be in all of my relationships. I believe it will be more rewarding when we just do us and not pretend to be who others say we should be.

Our character and qualities of life are not to be taken lightly but to be shared for the good of others.  When we do this we can almost always guarantee a good and happy ending.

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Most People Don’t Know What They Want…

This morning I woke up to a different tune as the birds song came drifting through the screen of my patio door.  Listening intently it struck me that it wasn’t as sweet sounding as it was the day before. In fact, it sounded more like complaining.

I imagined the birds feeling a little like this…”Great, another hot day and my nest happens to be in the direct sunlight! Oh, right!  It’s Thursday which means that ugly old guy is going to come by and blow on my house with that long stick of his and mess things up! Dust everywhere, leaves everywhere and noise! There will be no rest for me!  Must I listen to my little guys chirping all day wanting more food and all of my attention?  Oh, I wonder if my birdies daddy plans on bringing dinner home or if I am going to have to go out and get it myself…and the crows!  Must I have them swooping down on my nest all day attempting to snatch up my little guys destroying all I’ve so proudly toiled over for my family.  All the rodents out there and they want what I have, can’t they go somewhere else for breakfast!   Looks like another day of protecting my young and dodging the attacks of the enemy.  Oh…look over there across the treetops, the grass appears to be greener on the other side…I wonder if I’d be happier over there…”

It reminded me of a commercial (see the link below) and how we tend to think what others have might bring us more happiness in life.  Thoughts of having it all or having more can distract us and take us to a place where we no longer consider the risk of being disrespectful or losing what we love.  Hard fact but we’re faced with the decision to be content with what God has provided to us every day as we look across our tree tops.

Even Abraham and Lot faced this dilemma as they looked across the land of the Jordan Valley.  (Genesis 13:1-18)  What looked like having it all to Lot and his need for more ended up being his downfall and brought Lot and his family so much loss and sorrow.  If only they would have been content with what God had provided them at that moment and time.  May we be mindful of how Greener…Bigger…are not always better.

Most People Don’t Know What They Want…But it is something different from what they have.

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/AqYe/time-warner-cable-greener

 

Piece by Piece – Father’s Matter

As mentioned in previous Blogs I was a young girl when my mom moved me to California. To this day I am thankful she found a good man to help raise me and that I could call daddy. As children we can conjure up all kinds of “ideas” and “reason” as to why our families are no longer living together, happy and loving one another. Truth may be we are no longer capable of living together but we can still “parent” together.  And most importantly, we can still love our children together even though we’re apart.

Yes, some parents leave.  Sometimes never to return. By “abandoning” they leave deep wounds.

And many parents stay.  They work hard to give their children what they need to grow and become their best self.  They give them family, love and a place to belong. God bless these parents, and I know He will.

My oldest son and his wife have a blended family.  Both families work well together and parent with love. I am proud of them for the work they’ve done and happy to say my granddaughter is thriving.  I’ve watched her grow into a confident, talented and happy young lady. I am not saying they don’t have challenges.  There are challenges in every home. But the difference they’ve made is all parents are working together to create a loving home for their child!

Not all families have a happy ending. In fact, the family I worked hard to create did not have a happy ending. There were years of challenges with heartache. My divorce ended ugly and my ex refused to cooperate with me for the good of our youngest son. It was a heart  wrenching journey from fear to faith as I worked through the consequences of divorce.

My hope is for us to leave our children free to love and be loved by their parents.  And if one parent walks away from their responsibility then the remaining parent will work to assure their child knows it is not any fault of theirs. Today I share this song by Kelly Clarkson, Piece by Piece and as we go from fear to faith we help our children to the other side. (Matthew 7:12)

Matters of The Heart

 

 

What has taken up residence in your heart?

So many things fill our heart leaving parts of us unrecognizable as we navigate life.  Scripture tells us in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  Basically, our heart drives us whether it be good, bad or indifferent.

At times there can be a myriad of emotion from love to hate and everything in between.  All of which impact who we are and how we love.

As I’ve spent time reflecting on my early childhood I discovered one of my heart matters to be about “trust”.   At the age of 4 years old I was driving with my mom and soon to be new dad to sign adoption papers.  I was in the backseat of the car when my mom turned around to tell me something very important.  At 4 years old I knew it was important because we were all dressed up and I felt anxious.  Not sure if I was picking up on my mom’s anxiousness or if my heart knew something was about to change.

It was through my blue eyes I saw my mom’s brown eyes and big brown hair (Bee hive dew) as she leaned over the seat and said, “Now we’re going to go talk to a nice man and he is going to ask if you want him to be your daddy, as she looked across the seat toward the man I would soon know as my daddy. Now remember to say yes when he asks if you want him to be your daddy, and when we’re done we will go get an ice cream.”  Point being I was a little girl who loved ice cream and so I eagerly agreed.

We drove the rest of the way in what felt like silence.

Growing up I knew very little about my biological father outside of a few things I had heard from others.  All of which were not good.  This made me come up with a few reasons of my own for him not being around.  These too were not good.

It’s with a grateful heart I can say, the decision my mom made to marry her new man and make him my dad was a good one.  He has always been a man of integrity, and takes his commitments seriously.  What I am most thankful for is he never left and he always made us feel loved.

Unfortunately, the rejection experienced during this time left scars that would eventually cause trouble for me in future relationships with men.  Interestingly enough it was after my 21 year marriage came to an end when I began to experience these effects of betrayal.  During my time of loss and sorrow I would lay awake at night thinking about what could have been or should have been.  It was after a short time of this I realized I needed to move on and let go of what should or could have been. After all, the last thing I wanted was a hardened heart.  Before long one of my daily prayers was for God to help me so I would not become an angry bitter woman afraid to love.  It was in this determination I had the strength to move forward.  I began to trust God in a new way.  There were times it wasn’t easy navigating the broken pieces of my heart but I was fearful of what could become of me.  I pictured myself driving down the street with a scowl on my face, laying on the horn for no apparent reason outside of the fact that I was just plain angry at life. And I reminded myself of how this would not be pretty!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I never had pity parties! As ugly as they are I’ve thrown a few that have left me hung over from life.  But thank the good Lord for the remedy of friends!  Because in the midst of my heart matters I’ve had the love of family and good friends help rescue me.  It has been their support and unconditional love that helped pry open my eyes to the many promises of God. How we need God, family and friends!  I can see clearly how God used them to help resuscitate and push me through to the other side. I pray you let him do it for you too!

May these Scriptures bring encouragement and healing to your heart matters as you learn to trust God for more.

Q: Is there a heart matter you need let go so you can push through to the other side?

Today’s Scripture:

1 Corinthians 16:13 “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong”

Isaiah 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Psalm 138:3 “In the day I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”

Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”

 

 

Thursday Night’s NightCap

 

All I can say is, “Wow! How quickly time flies when you’re having fun!” So much to share, but I hesitate to give it all to you in one sitting! Sip slow!

I must confess I’ve had one of the best dating weeks I’ve had in a very long time! I know what you must be thinking…Oh boy, it’s only been a week!

Yes, just a week, but in all seriousness I’ve been waiting a bit for this guy to ask me out. During the waiting period it has been rough because I know what I want and if someone isn’t ready, or they’re not interested, there’s not much one can do. It’s like I mentioned last week, don’t force the glass slipper! Over this waiting period, I’ve prayed about it. Not much changed outside of seeing him at our Tuesday night Life Group. Then summer break came along. That’s when I began to look at other opportunities and eventually put myself on the infamous dating site! Which we know was not going very well. And then…

Before I knew it, we were at dinner and it was comfortable as the two of us shared what matters the most to us when it comes to dating. I’ve always believed communication is key to learning about one another when making a decision to move forward. You might not think this is too big of a deal but trust me, at my age, it is a VERY big deal. I don’t want to waste time on a man that isn’t going in a similar direction and doesn’t share the same faith. This may reduce my chances of meeting a great guy down to about 5%, but I’m more than willing to take those chances. I can say this because I am not looking to waste my time or anyone else’s. Why would I do that at my age, or why should any of us do that any age? Actually, I’ve made that dating mistake in the past and that may just be one of the reasons I find myself still single.

Now I found myself having this conversation with the only guy who truly caught my attention after moving to So Cal, and it felt good. I felt encouraged. After all, it was those two months on a dating site that left me second guessing myself and the men out there.

As I drove home the other day, with the sunlight glistening over the ocean, it dawned on me that if I had given up and stopped praying for a good man, I may have missed out on last week. Had I thrown the baby out with the bathwater, I may have given up an opportunity for God to answer in His way, and in His time. Not to mention, I would have missed out on a few fun days with a really good guy.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not alluding to anything more than what it is right now. Putting it simply, I met a man about a year ago that caught my attention. We’ve now decided to spend some good time together and have fun. If something more comes of it, great! If not, then I will be that much closer to finding the right one and being ready to take the risks that come when one opens up their heart and allows another to see inside.

Does is feel a bit scary, yes. Will I be careful? Yes. Am I excited to see what may become of this new relationship outside of Life Group? Yes, and I hope he is too. One thing you can be sure of is there will be continued prayer with an open mind and heart as we move into the days ahead.

Question of the night, how many frogs did you kiss before you met your prince?

Thursday Night’s NightCap

As I was contemplating what to blog I had to ask myself why is it that I’ve been feeling so emotional. I can name a few reasons but tonight I am putting the blame on the new dating site I recently joined. Yes, for 2-months I’ve been on a dating site that has humbled me with plenty of rejection! Think about it, as one prepares to join a dating site I can only assume like me they feel it is a good way to meet someone when life is busy and you don’t hang out in bars.

So, with a little push and a little shove from friends and family I took the plunge and signed up.

I find myself online with others who have opened up their hearts so that other lonely hearts can feed off of them. Beware of the bottom feeders!  Men and women both prey on those they feel may make them happy. They send a smile, an email or a wink with hopes of finding love or getting something in return. Now I’ve “heard” of success stories where people have met, have fallen in love and married. But I’ve met no one this has actually happened to. Have you?

What I’ve concluded after emails, winks, calls and some dates is that it takes courage, and thick skin to put your heart and picture out there for others to read and evaluate. We must be confident and ready for, well just about anything! We must know how to accept rejection, and how to kindly reject others because like it or not it’s going to happen to all of us.

So for some giggles as we sip, drink or gulp I am going to share a story or two;

I received an email from a guy who wanted to talk because he felt our profiles were a match. Ok, I check out his profile and we seem to have quite a bit in common (great pics of him healthy and active)  Our conversation is easy and humorous.  I’m thinking not bad, it’s comfortable and so far no odd quiet moments. As we’re wrapping up the call he proceeds to tell me there is one thing he needs to share with me. My first thought, “Ok, now what?” He then tells me he’d like to get together but just one problem he was in a motorcycle accident a month ago and can’t drive or walk. Seriously? Like I am going to a house of someone I don’t know to pick them up, throw their walker/wheelchair in the back of my car to take them for coffee? Or better yet, I am going to the house of someone who I don’t know hoping he is who he says is and he really is a good guy! Let it be known one of my favorite shows is America’s Most Wanted, and let’s not forget I was married to a police officer.

As I was contemplating my fate on this site I began to feel the need to remove my profile because I was over the top with these men my age who ONLY want to date someone that’s half their age. Or like the one guy I talked to that could not stop asking me if I thought he was nice looking!

Or what about the guy who after 5 dates wants to give me 5 days out of the country, anywhere I want to go. He lays down his black American Express and informs me this card has a lot of money on it!  But I said to him, wow I don’t even know your last name! And let’s not forget the guy I met online and discovered we are neighbors!  After a few dates he too wanted to take me away but when I graciously explained to him that it was too early for that he disappeared for 3 days.  And then on the third day he was seen whizzing by in his jeep with another chick and his surf board!

Truly one must find humor in using online dating because these types of sites can mess with your mind!  They can make you second guess who you are, if you’re pretty enough, thin enough, and make you question your self-worth.

My biggest discovery with online dating is that rejection doesn’t feel good. I don’t like it. It makes me put my walls back up in order to protect myself and I’ve worked hard to bring those walls down in order to be ready to invite love back in. I definitely don’t want some dating site to interfere with all of the good work God has done to prepare me for my season of dating!

However, I think for now I am going to keep the profile up because after all, I paid for it.  And because I am still a hopeless romantic I’d like to go back to the days of “You’ve Got Mail”, “Must Love Dogs”, and “Sleepless in Seattle” when love came with honor and respect. One thing I know for sure is I will not stop believing for my man!  I know he is out there and together God and I will find him!

Sleep well and Sweet dreams!