Thursday Night’s NightCap!

I hope this week has been good to you!

I can hardly believe we’re in the last week of October and before we know it we will be celebrating a New Year! Seriously as I glance over my calendar I ask myself, ‘where has the time gone?’ I am awe struck as to how quickly times is passing and how much there is still to do! What about those dreams, goals and desires we all long to see manifested in our lives. This calls for focus and the ability to push through over to the other side so not to miss out on all God has for us!

With that said, I want to remind you there is life after divorce! There is hope and a purpose for things yet to come for you and your children. Just because one part of life has ended doesn’t mean there won’t be a new life ahead to be embraced and celebrated. We cannot and must not allow the disappointments and sorrows of yesterday rule our tomorrows.

Now, I realize after my divorce 14 years ago there were times I became overwhelmed and I found it difficult to stay positive as I chipped away at rebuilding my new life. Some days were good and others, not so good. Not to mention how difficult it can become when divorce becomes a battle between the two sexes. However, there is beauty to be found when we’re stuck and in not so comfortable predicaments! No really! In these battles we may find ourselves outside of our comfort zone with only one place to turn. We may find we need to look deep within our soul in hopes of finding purpose in our pain as we look at the truth of who we’ve become. Good, bad or indifferent. We must look at those not so friendly places of our being and rediscover parts of ourselves that have been buried, and are no longer recognizable. It may be time to resurrect the buried character we’ve lost through the trials with new-found strength and love. It’s imperative we rekindle a love within so we can easily break free from the bondage which held us hostage in our past. Those broken areas that have left us stifled and unable to live a life the way God intended for us.

Are there pieces of your heart still needing to be set free in order for you to walk into your new place of truth. The place of truth where one can be authentic while creating a new life for themselves and those they love. No more façade.

Does that sound refreshing and freeing to you? Well this is what God want’s for us! Believe it or not, he does not want us bound to a past that has tripped us up, wounded us and left us with battle scars. He came to free us from those ugly parts of life that left us fearful and unable to live whole and free. His desire for us has always been that we live life authentically where we no longer have to work to experience freedom but put our trust acceptance in Him and his truth. How great to know there is One who loves us unconditionally. The One who accepts us just as we are and where there is no condemnation. A God who delivers us into a new freedom where we’re loosed to enjoy all of his creation.

Tonight I hope to leave you with a verse that encompasses these thoughts with the hope that you too can find your place of freedom.

“Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”

Today step into your freedom leaving the pain from the past behind you. Allow yourself to find happiness again.  Get excited about life and all it has to offer you!  May the children touched by divorce see transformation in the lives of their parents so they too can be set free. May resentment, bitterness and regret be a thing of the past so new life can spring into action leaving you breathless because of joy and not strife!

Cheers!

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Hope

In the year 2006 most of my weekends were spent visiting my youngest son at a State Penitentiary. This went on for too many years and it began to take its toll on me and my family. There were days it felt like the pain, fear, and disappointment would never end. There were other days I’d find myself distracted with thoughts of how it would end. Unfortunately, both left me with anxiety.

During these troublesome and heart wrenching years I worked hard to stay focused on life, my job, and keeping what was left of my family on track. Had it not been for my faith in God I truly don’t know where I would be today. When the reality of what our family faced raised its ugly head, the fear inside gripped every muscle in my being and captivated every thought. Panic attacks would enter in at the most inopportune times and no matter where I was, I would make a mad dash for the nearest restroom. I would hide in a stall praying, while trying to calm myself and my breathing, hoping no one would walk in on me. God was watching out for me because no one ever did. After what felt like long periods of time, I would straighten my clothes, push the hair back from my sweaty face and walk over to the sink. I would wash my face and look at myself in the mirror in disbelief. I wondered if I would be able to handle all that was going on around me.

There were days my faith was weak and I could not pray. I found myself going through the motions and just waiting for the day to end. It wasn’t like I looked forward to tomorrow. I just needed to get through the day. That became my prayer, “Lord, please just get me through the day, Amen.”

In the beginning there were many nights I’d fall asleep next to my Bible instead of reading it. I found it painful to read but also knew it was the one thing no one could take from me. It was the one thing that would never change. It felt like an old friend I knew would be there when I was ready to embrace it again. It would be waiting for me to open back up, and I would once again soak in the truth of God’s love for me and my family. Please don’t misunderstand, in no way did I blame God for anything my family and I were experiencing. Sometimes in life we suffer at the hands of others, and other times we suffer from our own bad choices.

The artwork on the wall in my home office reminds me of that season of life. The framed drawings bring back memories of a time I felt paralyzed in different areas of life. They remind me of how I had to come to the end of myself, to find myself.  It was there I could fully understand God’s unconditional love.

As I admire this artwork drawn by prisoners, I am reminded of how everyone has a story. Some stories end well, others don’t. What I find important is the men behind these drawings. The talent and passion that came with the hope that maybe someone would recognize them for much more than their troubles and dark places that brought them to this place of confinement.

Had they foreseen the wasted years in the desert land of a living hell, would they have made better choices? I wonder if those nearby would have heard their cry for help and came to their aid? Were those they counted on most, the ones who turned their back? Is the rejection of others what pushed them to go the wrong way?

There was a day I believed in the judicial system from years of being married to a police officer. Yet In this hard season I found myself awakened to the truth of what the other side of the law looks like. I saw firsthand how the system doesn’t work. I learned there is no “real” rehabilitation in prison. I saw for myself how it has always been a housing unit for the rebellious, unloved, abused, unpopular kids and those who give themselves over to plain evil.

It was the system I despised the most, that God used to soften my heart. The heart that had become hardened through years of being married to a police officer was learning to love others in a new way. It was the experience of heartache and loss in my own family that opened my eyes and expanded the truth of God’s love for this world. It broke my heart in new areas I never knew existed because I was too good, too prideful and busy to care about anything that would never touch me or anyone I loved. Or so I believed.

Today as I look up from my desk and see the drawings on my wall staring back at me, I see hope. The hope God planted deep inside of me that helped me not give up. The inspiration hope brings through the support of others during challenging times. A hope that left me feeling loved and cared for when I felt unlovable and like a failure as a Mom. The hope that came through provisions that looked impossible but God said, “Nothing is impossible with me!” These are just a few of the different ways God showed up and said, “I am with you to the end and I will never forsake you.”

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost hope or someone you care for has lost hope then I want to leave you encouraged. The truth will set you free and God’s promise to never leave you will pull you through to the other side, if you let him:

*For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:37

*I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

* Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I

will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 KJV

*Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, [and] there is nothing too hard for thee. Jeremiah 32:17 KJV

*What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 ESV

*No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

Time Alone with God

Do you have a place where you go to get away from the pressure, stress, and chaos of life? A special place where you can sit quietly without interruption, allowing yourself to unwind and be alone with God?  Can you sense an emotional siren pulsating through your body, alerting you to your need for a time out?

If this is you, don’t ignore the warning signs and your need to be alone with God as it can be hazardous to your health!  Our spiritual being was created for communion with our Creator. The hunger of our soul is to be quenched by God who supplies every need. He provides our strength and hope as we push through this life.

It’s hard to admit that there were fourteen years, (yes fourteen!)  where I spent too much time attempting to overcome all life had thrown at me in my own strength. It may sound pathetic and a little victimized, but I found myself wrestling to get through loss, pain, disappointment, and fear so I could finally say, “I made it, we made it!”  I desperately wanted to be done with all of the stress I had put myself under to try and save my family. I wanted everyone fixed so we could all start living life how I had always envisioned it. I had convinced myself it was my fierce determination and hope for a better tomorrow that got me through each day. However, that was not it at all!  My hope for better tomorrows and prayers for all that concerned me were right on, but my inability to release control and live life according to God’s way had become infectious to mind, body and spirit. My need to “fix” everybody and everything was hindering me from doing life God’s way, and it was His grace that brought me through and into each new day.

Somehow I believed my dreams would be the same dreams my family shared. Over the years the aspirations and expectations I envisioned for us had morphed into the goal behind every need to repair, save, cover up, and control.  Take that mentality and mix it with additional chaos, stress, and people behaving badly and I found myself in not such a good place.

(Divorce, troubled teen, son leaving for college, loss of a loved one to cancer, moving to a new home, and starting a new job)  All high on the stress bar! 

It was in my reflection time God was able to show me how I had allowed the behaviors of others to rob me from trusting Him in all things and for all things. I had surrendered to pressure and not God.

As pressure builds we can find ourselves breaking down, and if we don’t allow ourselves time to get away to reflect and pray we may find ourselves reacting instead of responding in wisdom, peace, gentleness and a spirit of truth and love. I came to realize it was under this pressure I was losing my way.

Many times throughout the New Testament you will find Jesus leaving everyone and everything to get away alone to pray. He has left us with the perfect example of what to do when life becomes overwhelming and we need a break!  Even if we’re praying throughout our day there are times when we will need to remove ourselves from all people and things so we can focus and listen to the still small voice inside warning, encouraging and instilling wisdom for the moment and days ahead.  It is imperative to take ourselves to a place where we can connect with God and listen without interruption.

Because God is a faithful and loving God, He graciously brought me to the place where I could see the light and love of His ways. He brought me to the end of myself where I was surrendered enough to move deeper into his purposes and plans for my life. His plan was and is to save us all but we need to make the choice to let Him. In my choice to surrender the family I held so dear to my heart God gently showed me how to leave all that concerns me, all that I love and cherish at His feet for His purposes. After all, God has not made me the savior of my family.  He already provided a Savior for us long ago!

We will find when taking time to be alone with God, we find freedom. The troubles invading our hearts, homes, families, careers, friendships, and every important part of our life become smaller and less frightening, and God becomes bigger.  His power and grace will take over as we relinquish control and surrender.

Today if you find yourself struggling I pray the Scripture below will help comfort you as you make your way to the other side:

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

“But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.” Luke 5:16

“In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there.”  Mark 1:35

“After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone.”  Matthew 14:23

“Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” Hebrews 4:7b

It Has Been Five Weeks Since My Last…

It has been 5 weeks since my last post and I am not happy about it. Every time I’ve sat down to write I’ve become overwhelmed with what I want to share and get up and walk away leaving the page blank. I’ll type a little, hit delete. Type some more, hit delete. After weeks of this it’s time to rethink the blog so I change my theme. But that is not quite all I need to think about…and then I realize more than ever I need to begin with the end. By the end I mean where I find myself today on Wednesday, August 5, 2015.

The past few weeks have felt a little like a thief casing the outside of my house. It’s dark inside the house and unsettling but he knows there is something good in there and he needs to get to it without disrupting too much around him. And there you have it I’ve been casing the outside of my memory bank acknowledging the goodness of God and how He really does bring good out of the difficulties we encounter. All the while struggling to muster up courage and collect my thoughts to share all that is inside me while working hard to not disrupt too much! You see I find myself in a “happy” place and I want to bask in it for a while because I believe God brought me to this place of rest and beauty to prepare me for the things I will share with others. Things I would have done differently or have learned along the way from going through a divorce, struggling teenagers, and learning how to embrace my singleness after a 21-year marriage.

So beginning with where I am now seems to be perfect after I’ve finally arrived at this point in life where I refuse to give the enemy a foothold to trample around on my territory! Oh, hell no because I’ve become stronger from the adversity I’ve encountered along the way. I hope to share my experiences (good and bad) to bring hope to others who may be facing similar obstacles in their journey. I want to encourage and reassure my readers they’re not alone in this big world. Someone cares about you and what you’re going through! I’ve learned along the way that in every storm there is a glimpse of light and then a rainbow to follow which will brighten up those dark days of the past and work to propel you into the future.

Rick Warren say’s it like this, “Why have to learn from your mistakes when you can learn from the mistakes of others and save yourself the heartache.”

But most importantly, I want the love and grace of God to light up these pages shooting rays of sunshine your way that leave you with hope for today and encouraged to face tomorrow! So join me as I share some good memories and not so good memories, laughter, disappointments and tears as we move into our futures together…one day at a time with the Creator of all good things, God.

Here are three encouraging words to help pull you out and over to the other side:

Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones. Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. – Unknown

A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker. A mistake is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end. – Anonymous

For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Every Day Is Mother’s Day

Every woman is of value and should be honored for the life, love and courage they have in caring for others, and their children. Being a woman is no easy feat. It comes with obligation and requires no fear. Or, shall I say the ability to act in spite of fear. It does not matter if you birthed your child or received them as a blessing from another because you are a mother and a care giver. Any way you look at it, being a mother is an honor that sometimes takes us into unknown territory requiring us to know no boundaries, and to always act out of unconditional love.

As women we have so much opportunity to make a difference in the lives of our families and communities. We have a power within us that was meant for courage and to change the world. It begins with us and then moves into the lives of those we love. If you’re a single mom parenting can be a bit more challenging as you find yourself playing a dual role, both mother and father. At times this dual role may overpower you and your ability to parent with the softer side. It’s important to have a good support system when raising children whether single or married. If you don’t have a support system I urge you to make it a priority to find other parents who can share the journey with you.

Whatever family dynamics you find yourself in please remember, you are enough! You’re the right mother for your kids and no matter the challenges God has instilled in each one of us the ability to do what we are called to do. At times it may not be all that easy and it may appear we have failed because we’ve not always reacted in the most appropriate way, made the best decisions, said the right things, or been there for every need. Or, maybe our kids are not where we feel they should be in life. These things don’t make you less of a mom or a bad parent. We are all doing the best we can with what we have and where we are in life. Don’t stop celebrating the small wins in parenting because life is short and we get one run.  Do your best & trust in God’s guidance, your dedication and love. And don’t forget to have faith in your kids for the end result!

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

Throughout my mom journey I have found myself in unfamiliar territory and these 2 verses have brought me comfort and encouragement. There have been times some of the challenges I faced provoked emotion and fear in me I could not control. This was no indication of a lack of love or lack of wanting the best for my children. But what it did do was step up my prayer life and strengthened my faith. It’s been my experience with God that he uses every situation to grow us, our children and our families. He allows nothing to go to waste.

Just recently during the Baltimore riot Toya Graham, the mother of a 16-year-old boy let the love and emotion for the well-being of her son take her to the front lines of that riot where she removed him from an embarrassing and dangerous situation. Toya warned her son to not go to that riot but to go to school, he did not listen. Kids do that from time to time. It does not mean you’re not a good mom. Toya has expectations for her son and his future.   She wants the best for him as do most mother’s.

Like Toya there will be times as mothers we will need to step out and make decisions on behalf of our children in hopes of saving them from something worse and life changing. I’ve experienced that emotion and have reacted in fear in hopes of keeping a child of mine from making choices that would lead them down the wrong path. All we can do is our best and not worry what others think or what they may say. Of course we all want to be perfect parents, reacting in love and wisdom at all times! Unfortunately, that is not real life. It you’ve not seen the video of Toya Graham, a mother who acted on her emotion and anger as she slapped her son off of the riot line and toward home!  It’s my guess she saved her son that day from trouble and from more than a few a slaps.

https://youtu.be/RhB7DyjxQNo

We all know kids say and do the darndest things!  Most times it is cute and we laugh.  Other times it may cause embarrassment and we may be a little less admired by others for our parenting skills. However, this in no way takes away the heart and good intentions for being the best we can be for our children. With the many distractions kids face today I want to encourage you to stay the course on those not so good days because its women like you that keep the candle burning in the hearts of your children which light up the path for their future.

Wishing You a Happy Mother’s Day Every Day!