It has been 5 weeks since my last post and I am not happy about it. Every time I’ve sat down to write I’ve become overwhelmed with what I want to share and get up and walk away leaving the page blank. I’ll type a little, hit delete. Type some more, hit delete. After weeks of this it’s time to rethink the blog so I change my theme. But that is not quite all I need to think about…and then I realize more than ever I need to begin with the end. By the end I mean where I find myself today on Wednesday, August 5, 2015.
The past few weeks have felt a little like a thief casing the outside of my house. It’s dark inside the house and unsettling but he knows there is something good in there and he needs to get to it without disrupting too much around him. And there you have it I’ve been casing the outside of my memory bank acknowledging the goodness of God and how He really does bring good out of the difficulties we encounter. All the while struggling to muster up courage and collect my thoughts to share all that is inside me while working hard to not disrupt too much! You see I find myself in a “happy” place and I want to bask in it for a while because I believe God brought me to this place of rest and beauty to prepare me for the things I will share with others. Things I would have done differently or have learned along the way from going through a divorce, struggling teenagers, and learning how to embrace my singleness after a 21-year marriage.
So beginning with where I am now seems to be perfect after I’ve finally arrived at this point in life where I refuse to give the enemy a foothold to trample around on my territory! Oh, hell no because I’ve become stronger from the adversity I’ve encountered along the way. I hope to share my experiences (good and bad) to bring hope to others who may be facing similar obstacles in their journey. I want to encourage and reassure my readers they’re not alone in this big world. Someone cares about you and what you’re going through! I’ve learned along the way that in every storm there is a glimpse of light and then a rainbow to follow which will brighten up those dark days of the past and work to propel you into the future.
Rick Warren say’s it like this, “Why have to learn from your mistakes when you can learn from the mistakes of others and save yourself the heartache.”
But most importantly, I want the love and grace of God to light up these pages shooting rays of sunshine your way that leave you with hope for today and encouraged to face tomorrow! So join me as I share some good memories and not so good memories, laughter, disappointments and tears as we move into our futures together…one day at a time with the Creator of all good things, God.
Here are three encouraging words to help pull you out and over to the other side:
Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones. Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. – Unknown
A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker. A mistake is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end. – Anonymous
For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
There was a day when my creative juices flowed and I could write, dream, decorate and envision just about anything in color – it oozed out of me. I considered myself armed and dangerous with my pen, laptop, Bible and a plethora of self-help books. Now I find myself struggling to find the words, the time, and anything remotely creative to inspire me as I fling open the doors to my soul and share. In other words, I am experiencing a whole new meaning to “Frozen”.
Oh, I know. It’s because it’s about me and my experiences. At time it feels like cleaning out the closet that is overflowing and you know it’s going to be tough because you have to dig through all of the accumulated years of “chunk”, sort it out and then look long and hard at it asking, “Is it worth keeping?” This is kind of what this feels like today as voices cry out in my head: What if they don’t like it, or it’s too serious, too sad, too boring, or just plain silly!
So, I am going to approach it like this, I will blog what I know. I will share my feelings and my life experiences with the hope of inspiring others to not give up, to stay the course and never stop believing in miracles. If you find yourself struggling I hope to bring you a positive word or a smile. I only ask you to keep in mind these are my truths from my perspective. And much like Aibleen, these are my prayers that have become my story.
It’s not easy to open up wounded areas of the heart. Most times these become areas that have been dormant because we no longer want to look at them. But somehow, some way they creep back into my thoughts, our thoughts and when we least expect them. They can leave us asking, “What if?”
I will admit most of these are shaded parts of me I prefer to hide and not allow others to see. But because of the hand print of God on my life I feel compelled to share with others and hope it will bring courage that’s needed to persevere and come out on the other side.
It is only because of God’s faithfulness and unconditional love I have been able to look deep into the wounded places of my heart and soul. These are the places where only the light of God can creep in and things begin to make sense to me. In my transparency with him I have become more aware of how He has walked with me, strengthened me, and most of all, loved me through life’s most challenging times.
The joys, heartaches and disappointments experienced in life have helped me find my way to a deeper understanding of how God made me and how, because of him I have compassion like never before. Not to mention, I am learning to feel again, to love again and forgive. Even to forgive myself. I am a work in progress!
So, as I was house sitting last weekend I watched a movie, The Help. I had seen this movie before and liked it but this time something was different. Could it be me?
As I watched Aibleen leave the only life she had known, the home she so tenderly cared for and the child she had loved a lump formed in my throat. It was then I realized Aibleen and I had something in common, no one had ever asked what it felt like to be me.
Yes, I had friends and family to support and pray for me. But not once did I ever have someone ask me that question. I can’t help but wonder why. Why would I not ask that question to someone else who may be hurting? Do we not ask because we don’t want our pain to show up when we are portraying our life as perfect? God say’s in his Word, in this world we will have trouble. And there is plenty of it. And in the midst of it we may ask, “Where are you God?”
There is one thing I know for sure and that is when we begin each day of our journey counting our blessings we can then see clearly how God is with us. It is in our gratefulness God will provide the strength needed to bring about the change to inspire us to push through those tough times. And this ultimately provides us with the courage to share with others what it feels like to be us. What it feels like to have loved and lost.
So, I want to start with my blessings, and there are many. However the two most cherished moments of my lifetime were the birth of my two sons. My fondest memories are of their birth and holding them for the first time. There was a love that flooded my heart and it was nothing like I’d ever experienced before. I remember thinking they were the most beautiful babies anyone could lay eyes on. They were the answer to my prayers as I’d longed for the day I would be a mom! And while alone in my hospital room, in the quiet of the night I began praying for them, dreaming for them and of their future.
Not once did I imagine anything outside of perfect. And for a very long time it felt just like that, perfect. And then life happened. Divorce happened. And I found myself in a season of broken dreams, broken promises and great loss. Life threw us a curve ball and life as we had known it would never be the same.
In honor of Aibleen and all of those who have loved and lost I echo her words…You’re kind, you’re smart, you’re important
Fear to Faith - A Journey to The Other Side 