Thursday Night’s NightCap!

Parents are not perfect.

As much as we love we too have moments of selfishness and sometimes in our selfishness we’ve been known to leave scars.

One of my favorite scenes from the Rocky movies is where Rocky Balboa tells his son how proud he is of him.  He gives the speech every son needs to hear. (Actually every son and daughter!)

With emotion he warns his son of the world in which we live and what matters is how much we can take and keep moving forward because that’s how winning is done.

I say to every young man whose parent has left a scar this message is for you.  For every parent who has struggled with the words, “I love you and I am proud of you.”  This is for you.

Let’s speak life into the lives of our children!  May our words echo how much they’re valued and loved! In times of difficulty may our actions be ones that encourage and strengthen them so they will know how to take the hard knocks in life.

Jesus warned us in this world we would have troubles.  He then provided the answers as to how we would be able to overcome!  Now it’s our responsibility to take this message to our children so they will know how to overcome and persevere in a broken world. I hope this doesn’t sound “preachy” because that is not my intention. There have been plenty of times I’ve failed my son’s and I know I’ve contributed to some of the scars they carry.  I write with a humble heart that has experienced it’s own pain as I’ve watched my son’s navigate through hard knocks in their lives!

It’s inevitable we will fail our children at times because we will not always parent perfectly.  However, our words of affirmation can take our kids to a place where they not only believe in our love but live like they’re loved.  In that courage and love they will soar and we will proudly watch them overcome the things in life that try to take them out. Jesus warned us and provided the answers so all would have the power within to know of his love and know the truth of what it means to overcome!

“I have told you all this so that you will have peace of heart and mind. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Tonight let’s raise our glass in honor of our children: May we be cognizant of our words speaking enough love that will infuse them with the courage needed through their troubles to get back up and move forward!

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Just 5 More Minutes

Ava

Gianna

Emma

I always leave San Jose feeling emotional after visiting with the kids and my grandchildren. As I check in at SJC I of course check in on Facebook letting my friends know how I am feeling. The “Feeling” popup gives so much emotion I am unable to post them all…It’s like a rollercoaster weekend in more ways than one as I try to cram as much fun in as possible with the girls. My anticipated excitement of hanging out with all of them as I prepare to travel to the Bay Area, and wrapping those sweet little girls in my arms reminds me of how time is fleeting, and how we must cherish every minute we have with those we love.

It’s a joy to hang out with these little ones watching the world through their eyes, and hearing about the world from their point of view as they share their stories. Kids see everything as exciting, cool and fun. They don’t care if they’re wearing the same swim suit all day. They don’t care if they play hard and their hair gets messed up. They love to eat dessert first. They love shiny rocks, meeting new friends, and singing out loud. They don’t see anything wrong with sitting on the edge of the pool growling at everyone that goes by (scene of a boy at the pool). They don’t hesitate to ask the questions we’d like to ask but lack the courage to do so. The other thing that gets me is how they can recharge after only resting for about 10 seconds and they feel great!

On one of my flights I had a 5 year old boy take the window seat when another passenger passed by and whispered to me, “He is a really cute little boy, you’ll enjoy him”. Not sure if she was warning me or saw a “look” on my face when he and dad squeezed into their seats. This was the little guy’s first plane ride and his brown eyes were as big as saucers as he watched out the window with excitement and kept repeating, “We’re flying!” While watching the plane rise above the buildings and mountain tops he looked out and said, “Wow, it’s a big place out there!”

As I leaned back in my seat I began to wonder why us adults can’t seem to enjoy our excursions with this much enthusiasm. It really is a big place out there and a wonderful thing to get on an airplane and fly to different destinations around the world. What if we got excited about these “little” things vs. being stressed out over cramming our legs and carryon bags into what feels like a very small space to bump shoulders with a stranger? What if we just said hi to strangers crossing our path and threw them a smile as we continued happily on our way. How simple it would be if we could muster up the courage to swim all day and not worry about our hair.

While at the pool waiting for the family to arrive I lost count of the many dads walking over to the side of the pool letting their kids know they had “just 5 more minutes.” I watched these kids “hurry” to take one more dive, one more jump, and one more swim to the other side of the pool in their last 5 minutes. They did not want it to end.

I quickly reflected back to the dad on the plane sitting next to me who asked if I had any kids. I told him yes but my kids are grown. He said, “How grown?” As I informed him they were married with kids of their own he of course gave me the compliment any gentleman would give. I told him to savor every moment as time passes quickly and he replied, “Really, well my little guy is active and doesn’t stop talking.” He looked a little exasperated!

I reminded him of how quickly they grow up and it happens in a blink of an eye. POOF and they’re off building lives and families of their own! All good things but do you ever think, “What if we had just 5 more minutes with them? What if we could go back to that memory that was so precious to experience one more time or the memory that wasn’t so precious and have a do over. What if we could have just 5 more minutes?

Some inspiration from one generation to another:

Psalms 145:4  “One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.”

Deuteronomy 4:9   “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Unknown  “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

It’s Just A Bad Day, Not A Bad Life

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

As I walk in the newness of this next chapter of life I am discovering more about me and how important change can be to our growth. Many times as we grow into the plans and purposes of God we will find there are things we must let go of in order to move forward. Some times what it looks like on the outside is not what is going on in the inside.

As a parent my heart’s desire was to get my children through life with as little heartache, loss and rejection so they would experience a life of success and love. That desire and prayer of mine never changed.

In my efforts to do everything right it did not always turn out right. As parents we do our best with what we’ve learned from watching others, books we’ve read and from our parents. But the most important part of being a mother is having a mother’s heart which I believe God places within us. It is in that heart of love we learn more about God, our children and ourselves.

There is a book by Dr. Dobson, “Parenting Isn’t for Cowards” which is a great book on parenting but it was the title that first grabbed me because the truth is in our journey of parenthood there is no guarantee of a happy ending. Challenges in parenting can surface at any age but one thing for sure is once a parent, always a parent. Parenting always will look different through the stages of life our kids grow into, and we must be ready to go the distance in hopes of releasing them into the future God prepared for them, with the ability to be self-supporting and contributors to a better society.

Today there is still pain in my heart as I reflect on days past. The days that turned into months, and months into years before my younger son came home. His years away were spent in more of a daze as his brother and I worked hard to support and encourage him. The vision of how this would all come to an end was much different than where I find this relationship today. During these turbulent years as dysfunctional as it was it was difficult to move forward and to find complete happiness knowing what he was going through.

Before my son went away he was showing signs of distress. In my efforts to help him life became more difficult because he only wanted help from his father. Now this would have been fine had his dad been emotionally available to help him. During a very critical time for my son his father began building a new life and was too busy for him. Because of the ramifications and circumstances surrounding my divorce this added to my concern for my son. My fear for his safety and well-being influenced my desire to fight harder for him. Unfortunately, my son did not want my help nor did he have any desire to have me parent him in any way. This fight for him was perceived as an intent for me to control more of his life and not as an act of a mother’s love and concern for her child.

As most parents experience with teenagers they go through a rebellious stage. His rebellion began before the divorce and worsened after. It was during his first years of high school when he began losing interest in school work and his responsibilities. His ability to focus on things other than sports and girls became less and less important to him. As mother’s we know many times our effort to parent and help our children in a time when things are spiraling out of control can leave us frantic. This is how I felt during that time, frantic as I watched my son become more distant and rebellious. It wasn’t long before my efforts began to look like a controlling mother gone mad. The more I tried to get my son under control and keep him accountable the more he despised me. In his rebellion he began cutting school and getting into trouble with the law.

Fast forward and now we’re in a courtroom where I find myself fighting to keep my son’s father accountable for him by seeing that he finish school and stay out of trouble. My fight in this battle was meant for good, not evil. It was done in love for my son in hopes of seeing him have a productive and healthy future.

My son like many kids of divorced parents wanted to live with his dad. The courts allowed this due to his age and the testimony of my son which stated I was trying to control him and his life by calling the school to see if he attended, did his homework, and by wanting to know if he was safe and staying out of trouble on the weekends. I thought I was doing what any caring loving mother would do who desires only the best for their child. Unfortunately, in our situation my son did not like me very much and considered me a control freak trying to ruin his life. In the midst of having all my parenting rights removed because of his age, and he and his father assuring the court they had everything under control I walked out of court that day an unwanted mother.   For me my marriage was over, but not my responsibility and love for my son.

As the days progressed I began to hear from friends how he was on the road to destruction. The more I tried to help the more twisted the lies of his father became toward me and my intentions towards my son. My hands and heart were tied.

Until Six-months later and 3 days after his 18 birthday he was arrested.

It was early morning as I sat down at my desk and began playing my messages when I was greeted with the voice of my son. His call was informing me he was in County Jail and needed me. As I gasped for air I dialed his dad’s number because believe it or not I had no idea where county jail was located. Yes, I had been married to a police officer and knew where the Police Dept. was but I don’t ever remember having been to County Jail.

Needless to say, I was given the address and hung up on.

Once again, things were about to change and I was going to embark on an even deeper darker road taking me to places I never wanted to go. Surrounding me with people I never thought to have a thought about. And bringing me closer to a God I thought I knew everything I needed to know about in my life time.