Have you heard the saying, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” For Years I had been looking for an escape route, a secret door to lead me out of the chaos and stress of what had become life. As I watched and prayed I began to see myself as the cat slipping slowly down the rope only to find myself hanging on by the knot tied at the bottom. No one person’s fault really, but more like a compilation of good intentions gone bad.
It appears most of us set out with the best of intentions and sometimes we experience a not so good ending. Things don’t always turn out the way we hoped, and sometimes for what we’ve prayed. However, I am a believer in prayer. I’ve experienced answered prayer and some I am still waiting on. It really is about God’s will and timing for us. Because He is faithful to answer, I wait. My secret, continue to TRUST because the story is not over yet.
I want to be honest and let you know the past few weeks have been difficult in regards to my writing. I say this because I am truly happy and thankful for my new place in life, and I absolutely love So Cal! However, it’s been hard to write because a few weeks ago I received some news that has broken another piece of my heart.
As I was tapping into my emotion over this news I discovered I have been stuck because of a false belief I’ve had in that I would truly be happy once my family (meaning sons and their family) became reunited. You see, my older son and I have a tumultuous relationship with my younger son that has been wounded, traumatized, and then scabbed over only to be reopened again. It’s a convoluted story in need of multiple sessions with Billy Graham and Dr. Phil while being covered in prayer and Sozo. Oh, and let’s not forget getting rid of those who feel a need to plant seeds of division with their lies and need to divide.
Truth be told, a reunion and steps towards re-establishing healthy family relationships would leave me doing a happy dance, jumping for joy, and falling to my knees in thanksgiving! But it is not the key to what unlocks the door to my ability to trust and know true happiness.
In life we’re given choices and we always hope for the best outcome. No matter what the decision involves whether it is marriage, raising children, landing a career, owning a business or anything in life. We all hope for success. Sometimes those choices don’t lead us to the end of what we dreamed or hoped but instead they lead us to the end of our rope. This is where I was before God so graciously flung open the doors of opportunity and moved me to a place where I am surrounded by beautiful beaches, tropical weather, and gorgeous sunsets. And I love my job!
Throughout my journey I’ve gained nuggets of truth and most recently this one: Our ability to be happy and trust is going to come from stepping out and away from things holding us back from living our purpose. I am speaking of things in life that bring us down and pull us away from the purposes and plans of God. Now, we won’t always get it right and we may take detours along the way because of selfishness or ignorance. Let’s face it, we may come out beaten and bruised with a fear to trust or love again but that is when we take what we have and start over. The only people I know who have truly lost or the ones who have given up.
As I meditate on the Word I am reminded of God’s promises and one in particular:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Throughout my trust journey I have been able to hang on long enough through the tough times for God to get me back on the right path. This is where my blessings of a new job and home were able to come in. Had I stayed fighting a battle that was not meant for me I would have missed where I am today. Now I want you to know none of this takes away from the love and desire I have to stand in the gap for my family. I have had people ask, “Do you think your son will ever be able to love and restore a relationship with you and his brother?”
All I can say is it can be done. I’ve heard and read stories of families learning to heal and trust one another again. Throughout the Bible I read stories about reconciliation and restoration. Battles have been won throughout the beginning of time but not without battle scars. These battle scars are what have made me who I am today. They’ve built a faith and strength in me that I am not sure would have been there had I not traveled down some painful roads.
In essence what good are we without the ability to trust and love? There is power in trusting someone and learning to love them. The power is within you and the decisions you make with the hope they will turn out well and be successful. I’ve decided to continue and step out in that power trusting whether I win or lose that I am not alone. There is someone bigger than I am watching over the entire plan and purpose for my life. Yes, there will be times I mess it up in my selfishness or maybe out of my ignorance. But I can be sure of one thing, He who began a good work in me will complete it to the end (Phil 1:6).
I believe He is trusting in me to take what I have and start again. (Psalm 84)