Girl Talk In The Sauna

No matter where we go there is always a conversation going on where someone is trying to figure out a relationship. Much to my surprise after my workout last night I made my way to the sauna to relax (secretly hoping to sweat off another pound). It was then I was enlightened to a new style showing up for the event. Interestingly enough some were fully dressed in their sweaty workout gear. Ok, I thought this odd with the temperature at about 120…and then there were what I call normal ladies (like me) prepared to sweat in a towel. As the room began to fill up we had another guest show up but her towel was twisted on top of her head and she too was in her workout gear! (This was the girl next to me on the treadmill with so much perfume I was forced to find another treadmill – ugh). She immediately went into her squat position pressed up against the wall with her iPhone in hand.  (I was hoping she was timing her squat and not taking videos) After about 15 minutes she had had enough, and so had I. This is not what I call people watching at its best so quickly I found myself a place to lean back and close my eyes but not my ears.  As I tried to focus more on what I was thinking and feeling I could not help but overhear the following conversation and decided to stay a little longer…

This is what went down, “Yeah, I am not sure if he likes me because we only go out when it’s convenient for him so I just wait for him to call and then say ok. He hardly calls though and when he does I can tell he is reading his emails or texting, and only half listening.”  Friend, “Oh wow, that’s not good.  Did you talk with him today?”  “Yes, he called today and asked if I was available Thursday before he leaves for Hawaii and I said yes, just tell me what time. He never gave me a confirmed time so I hope he calls later. I am hoping when he gets to Hawaii and is not at work he will have more time to talk.”

Suddenly my heart began to race as I fought back the urge to say calmly, REALLY?  It took everything inside of me to sit still and not allow myself to slide down onto their bench and join the conversation!  Both of her friends proceeded to tell her not to worry because when he is ready he will have time for her, and they were sure he’d call while vacationing in Hawaii with the guys. It’s always great to have BFF’s but I prefer the raw truth! She then proceeded to tell them how cute he was and how she knows he will be with other girls while vacationing with his buddies. Quickly I opened one eye to see who was sharing her heart and realized she could not be over 30 and she appeared to be pretty. Immediately I began to have a conversation with myself as to why so many singles are willing to find excuses vs. putting the energy into finding the “right” one. It appears most want someone or something so badly they find a way to convince themselves the relationship is everything it is not.  From what I can tell there should be plenty of fish in the sea… (http://www.citylab.com/housing/2015/02/where-in-the-us-are-there-more-single-men-than-women/385369/)

I believe there is someone for everyone if it is our hearts desire to find love. And I know we all deserve the relationship that values and respects us!

I have to say I surprised myself by not speaking up!  However, today I find myself sending prayers her way and wishing her success with love. As we all know love is a very tender thing and we must seek it out by first being tender with ourselves and not allowing anyone to devalue us. With that said, the next time the phone rings exude your “value” and consider keeping that line free for a more deserving call!

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Life & Love Require Action

The past few months have been a whirlwind of events, holidays and a life changing trip to Israel.  In the midst of all the joy and celebration life has availed me I often find myself having to make hard decisions. Such is life!  However, I’ve discovered the best part of life is LOVE.

Anyway you want to look at it, we were created to love and be loved. Unfortunately, love doesn’t always mean sunshine and roses!

There have been deep insights uncovered revealing my heart and soul as I’ve learned to let go and let love in.  What I’ve discovered is there have been times I’ve loved well, and others, not so well.

As I continue on in life I desire to keep learning and growing in this area so I can give to others what God has so graciously given to me, and that being the unconditional gift of love that was meant to set us free.  It’s a love that sometimes feels uncomfortable and other times, too comfortable. It’s a love providing strength and courage while allowing self reflection in hopes of enhancing one’s experience with love.  It’s a love exuding forgiveness.

I’ve found one perfect example of this love in the story of John 3:16 and the more I study and stumble in and out of love in this not so merciful and gracious world I discover what matters most is how I reflect that love.  No matter where I am, be it in a relationship, the store, the gas station, work, home or with a friend how I love is important.  How we love is important. It’s vital to our very soul and the soul of others.

So, I share today a bit of wisdom from a recommended book by a friend, The Seven levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly.

“But in order to love you must be free, for to love is to give yourself to someone or something freely, completely,  unconditionally,  and without reservation. It is as if you could take the very essence of your very self in your hands and give it to another person. Yet to give yourself to another person,  to an endeavor, or to God you must first possess your self. This possession of self is freedom.  It is a prerequisite for love, and is attained only through discipline…The problem is we don’t want discipline. We want someone else to tell us we can be happy without discipline.”

I highly recommend this book to those in every stage of a relationship as it touches on all levels as well as the dynamics surrounding those levels as you make your way into a deeper and lasting freedom with God and others.

Let me leave you with this thought from page 63:

“With your self in hand,  you can choose to freely and completely give yourself to another person in the mystery of love.”

Just 5 More Minutes

Ava

Gianna

Emma

I always leave San Jose feeling emotional after visiting with the kids and my grandchildren. As I check in at SJC I of course check in on Facebook letting my friends know how I am feeling. The “Feeling” popup gives so much emotion I am unable to post them all…It’s like a rollercoaster weekend in more ways than one as I try to cram as much fun in as possible with the girls. My anticipated excitement of hanging out with all of them as I prepare to travel to the Bay Area, and wrapping those sweet little girls in my arms reminds me of how time is fleeting, and how we must cherish every minute we have with those we love.

It’s a joy to hang out with these little ones watching the world through their eyes, and hearing about the world from their point of view as they share their stories. Kids see everything as exciting, cool and fun. They don’t care if they’re wearing the same swim suit all day. They don’t care if they play hard and their hair gets messed up. They love to eat dessert first. They love shiny rocks, meeting new friends, and singing out loud. They don’t see anything wrong with sitting on the edge of the pool growling at everyone that goes by (scene of a boy at the pool). They don’t hesitate to ask the questions we’d like to ask but lack the courage to do so. The other thing that gets me is how they can recharge after only resting for about 10 seconds and they feel great!

On one of my flights I had a 5 year old boy take the window seat when another passenger passed by and whispered to me, “He is a really cute little boy, you’ll enjoy him”. Not sure if she was warning me or saw a “look” on my face when he and dad squeezed into their seats. This was the little guy’s first plane ride and his brown eyes were as big as saucers as he watched out the window with excitement and kept repeating, “We’re flying!” While watching the plane rise above the buildings and mountain tops he looked out and said, “Wow, it’s a big place out there!”

As I leaned back in my seat I began to wonder why us adults can’t seem to enjoy our excursions with this much enthusiasm. It really is a big place out there and a wonderful thing to get on an airplane and fly to different destinations around the world. What if we got excited about these “little” things vs. being stressed out over cramming our legs and carryon bags into what feels like a very small space to bump shoulders with a stranger? What if we just said hi to strangers crossing our path and threw them a smile as we continued happily on our way. How simple it would be if we could muster up the courage to swim all day and not worry about our hair.

While at the pool waiting for the family to arrive I lost count of the many dads walking over to the side of the pool letting their kids know they had “just 5 more minutes.” I watched these kids “hurry” to take one more dive, one more jump, and one more swim to the other side of the pool in their last 5 minutes. They did not want it to end.

I quickly reflected back to the dad on the plane sitting next to me who asked if I had any kids. I told him yes but my kids are grown. He said, “How grown?” As I informed him they were married with kids of their own he of course gave me the compliment any gentleman would give. I told him to savor every moment as time passes quickly and he replied, “Really, well my little guy is active and doesn’t stop talking.” He looked a little exasperated!

I reminded him of how quickly they grow up and it happens in a blink of an eye. POOF and they’re off building lives and families of their own! All good things but do you ever think, “What if we had just 5 more minutes with them? What if we could go back to that memory that was so precious to experience one more time or the memory that wasn’t so precious and have a do over. What if we could have just 5 more minutes?

Some inspiration from one generation to another:

Psalms 145:4  “One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.”

Deuteronomy 4:9   “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

Unknown  “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

Surrender

Singing Away

In the beginning of May a little bird built its nest outside my bedroom window and began singing me awake every morning between 3:00am – 3:30am. At first I thought, how sweet! But that did not last long as this became an every morning occurrence and I was getting worn out from a lack of sleep. After about a week of this I came to the conclusion this little bird must be on East Coast time and I began to pray it would adjust to PDT. However, this did not happen.

It was during this same week I sensed God asking me to “Be still”. Everywhere I went I’d see a sign, a verse, or in my reading these words would pop up, “Be Still”. God often speaks to me through these types of repeated occurrences so I knew, it was him trying to get my attention. However, it can be a challenge for me to be still for long periods of time as my mind begins to race to other things I feel need my attention. It really takes quiet and discipline. The next week I made a point to sit quietly and pray over the things I felt God was nudging me about but after no “Ah Ha” moment I became frustrated. Not to mention I was growing impatient with the little song bird waking me up every morning at 3am.

One thing I know about God is when he wants to teach us something, show us something or tell us something he can be relentless in trying to get our attention. For this I am thankful as I long to know more of God and understand his ways. I am thankful he pursues me with the intent to bring me closer to him and closer to the things he has for me.

So I found myself becoming anxious to unlock this secret of why God needed me to be still and why was this bird waking me every morning at the same time. No matter how much I tried during my meditation and devotional time I found myself struggling with my inability to wrap my heart and mind around what it was God was asking of me, and questions of what, when, how, what, when, how began to race through my mind.

I wanted my “ah ha” moment!

It was after a month of waiting and being woken up by the song bird when I was sitting in Mariners Saturday night service listening to our high school pastor preach. While wrapping up the message he touched on surrender and how important it is to “Be Still” in order to know more of what God has for us, and may be asking of us. Now I know this, I have learned this and I have practiced it. But for some reason God was calling my attention back to being still and I found myself asking, “God, is there something I need to surrender?” I thought I had finally surrendered everything when moving to So Cal but I could not help but feel there was something I might be hanging on to. Our pastor preceded to describe a guy holding onto a raft with one hand while in the water and using his other hand to help keep him a float and I knew I’d been there before!  That feeling of having to hang onto something vs. just letting go and letting God.

As I left church I was conflicted in my ability to “surrender” but more determined than ever to see myself as God sees me, and to learn of what it was I had not completely let go and trusted God for in my attempt to Surrender all things.

The next morning I pulled out my Life Group lesson and as I turned the page there it was again, “Be Still”. And then I thought about my new visitor who sings me to wake every morning and there it was, my “Ah Ha” moment!

It was in that hour of no distraction I discovered I had my heart wrapped tight around some things I’d considered surrendered to God. Apparently I had kept my grip on some things God wanted back. My heart was moved by the truth of how God has my back and knows what breaks my heart and what brings joy.  And so it began to make sense to me. God was asking me to be still so he could show me the things I had yet to completely surrender. The concerns I’d been hanging onto.  He wanted all of them so I could be free to spend time with him and learn more of who he is and what he has for me.

Who knows our heart better than anyone? The One who formed us in the womb. The One who placed our heart and soul divinely into our human body with the hope that we’d discover our great need for him.

So in my inability to surrender all to God he stepped in and began singing to me outside my window through a little bird. During the day he worked to capture my attention through my readings, billboards, and through the words of others in hopes of getting me to be still and quiet long enough to hear of how surrendering is the beginning of learning to trust him in and for all things. I’ll have you know my song bird is no longer waking me up so I must be doing ok for now.

Psalm 84:3

The bird also has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, My King and My God. How blessed are those who dwell in Your house!

Matthew 6:26

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

 

A Time for Everything

Balboa Island

I have fallen in love with So Cal and it truly feels like home! Most days I have to remind myself I am not on vacation and this usually occurs Monday – Friday as I head down the hill for work in the morning. It would be so easy to take a wrong turn and head toward the beach because my view is literally the Pacific Ocean show casing Catalina and Balboa Islands. Sail boats lace the coast while the coast shows off palm trees and gorgeous landscape. It’s enticing and difficult to feel anything but free here as gratitude fills my heart for the things God has brought me through, placed me in and is working out in me. It truly is a refreshing season and great time of discovery as I experience more of God.

Did you know So Cal has what they call grey May and June gloom? It’s a reminder to me that sometimes we need to make the decision that no matter what is going on around us we won’t allow it to impact what is happening inside of us! Even the weather!

Now I am not saying I don’t have days where my heart becomes heavy over things from the past and regret creeps in over battles that did not end well. There is still the realization that I have fragmented pieces of my heart and soul still needing the healing touch of God. I feel like something has been unlocked inside of me and I am free to share and express so much of what I held so close to my heart because of concern over what people would think or say. None of us want to be judged because no matter what the season, good or bad it’s our season. We can only hope to be the best we can be as we go through it, and then have an opportunity to pay it forward by helping someone else in some way. The bottom line is nothing anyone experiences should be kept in lock down while there are others who may find comfort, encouragement or help from hearing it.

In Ecclesiastes 3 we are reminded of how there is a time for everything, and a time for every season under the heavens. My prayer would be if only we could always leave a positive impact on those we love making the most out of the time we’ve been given, and to find ourselves in a place with little or no regret.

There is a season for everything, and a time for every event under heaven;² a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot what was planted; ³ a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build up; ⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; ⁵ a time to scatter stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ⁶ a time to search, and a time to give up searching; a time to keep, and a time to discard; ⁷ a time to tear, and a time to mend; a time to be silent, and a time to speak; ⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Let me ask you to think about this a bit. Really, over 2000 years ago people were going through the same seasons of life only it was a different era. Can you imagine? We are not alone! There are others who have gone through, are going through and will go through many of the same life experiences we face today.

For centuries people have been getting married, building families, building homes, and building careers. They’ve experienced divorce, war, loss of life, loss of jobs, and all kinds of evil. The list goes on but you get the point. As I begin to share some of my own stories involving a very difficult season of my life, mainly divorce, and the ramifications it had on my family I hope to provide insight to those in need. If you’re currently walking through a divorce, contemplating divorce or experiencing issues of rebellion with your children then I hope you will learn from my experiences and come to know that God works all things together for good. Even in the midst of our worst mistakes God can bring something good. It’s a season. It too will pass.